you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
