If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
