so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
