I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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