Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
