I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
