I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize