I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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