theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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