Whod you bang
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
