At least make sure they are 18
Why
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
