The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
