Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
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You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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