i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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