i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
