Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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