I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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