How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
