I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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