he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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