thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
