my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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