please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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