he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
