Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
