my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
