I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
