oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
