I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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