So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
