Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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