omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
