So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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