I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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