I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
