Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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