her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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