shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
