Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
