yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
