Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem

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(516): View more from New York

Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.

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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(626): View more from California

You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin

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(914): View more from New York

Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?

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(852): View more from

I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..

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(530): View more from California

I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good

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(905): View more from Ontario

He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him

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