Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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