if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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