so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
