Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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