if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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