I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
