Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
