You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize