he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
