Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
