so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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