Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
