help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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