my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
