hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We had sex on a dog bed..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
