Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I stole a fireplace last night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
we're so committed to being not committed
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
