I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize