I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
