As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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