I wannas sexs uuuuu
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
