And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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