I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
