wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
