dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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