so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
