I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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