i love accidental penises.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
