Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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