Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
