Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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