You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
