I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
