i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
