now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
